Some Humans Are Awesome

This is just to follow up on the Mannie situation.

I received a call on Thursday from Metro Pet Market, where I purchase my dog and cat food, I was told that a couple unanimously and very generously donated a pile of gift certificates for Mannie's food!
I was completely blown away. I cried.
What a beautiful gesture!
They did say that there are so many cats that are looking for good homes, and Mannie has one, I've just run into a stumbling block, so to speak.

I'm so happy and relieved to keep her.
You have no idea.
Or maybe you do, I just hope that you don't.

I am living at my parents house till I'm able to buy my own place (separation agreement is complete, and my name is off the mortgage). Thankfully, my parents are not charging me rent. Phew!
Lawyers are p.r.i.c.e.y.!
I am doing a lot of housework, including my laundry. ;) Vacuuming, dusting, garbage, dishes, poop scooping, various tasks of caring for my nonhuman friends.
My Mom is pretty allergic to cats. Thus my anxiousness to get my own place.

All that being said, I won't need to use the gift certificates right away, but it's so nice to know that they're there once I'm paying my own mortgage(and extremely broke).
#grateful       Oh, Twitter!

Reflecting: Revised

When we are close to death, we tend to re-evaluate our lives.
I'm not sure about people with something terminal, but from what I hear they do. I know that I certainly re-evaluated my life, looking back, you know, after I was able to remember anything from my life prior to the hospital.
When I can remember, I reflect.
I found this to be especially true when learning to navigate with my new brain. Correction. My old, slightly-damaged, 'new' brain.

I get access to my 30 year catalogue of memories with different smells, or even just the way the air feels. It's very sci-fi, and surreal feeling.
Like Dali, but with an iPad.
I'm told that my brain had to find new pathways to deliver information because the old pathways were destroyed when my brain was rammed to and fro in my skull.
It is finding new pathways, all of the time! 

There was a short time that I would get confused by smells. I was sure our breakfast cereal had been contaminated by fish(this was pre-vegan). Troy assures me, our cereal was never fishy. I do remember not doing well on the smell identification portion of my first neuro-psychological assessment. It seems to have fixed itself, I don't misidentify things through scent anymore. Hooray!
Let's also remember that I had double vision for a short period of time.
My vision and scent messages found new pathways. <shrug> Why not memory?

After reflecting, it became clear to me that I had entirely too much going on in my life.
People told me this all the time, I just never saw it till I was literally knocked out, and was forced to truly slow down.
I was working a full time job at Great West Life and a part time job at Metro Pet Market, I had weekly belly dance rehearsals with eXalta6, and I was taking an online pet nutrition course. Add in painting and reading for fun, taking the dogs out and being, generally, a really social person equals a girl that needs a break.
<sigh>
I get anxiety just reading about my past life.

I will not become that again.
Luckily(?), fatigue won't allow for that, which is probably good. Although, as my brain heals more, I find myself doing exactly as I did before. Too much. Troy has to ask me daily, "is that crucial?"
I am completely guilty of taking on too much(I hear that's common). Then I play myself out, and I miss important things because I'm sleeping.

This is what I came up with after much thought:

• Veganism is where it's at. 

I don't want to participate in the violence inherent in these industries: meat, dairy, eggs, honey, wool, fur, leather, silk, vivisection, circuses, zoos, etc. So I'm not.

• Slow Down.

Silly story!  While at Wascana Rehab, at my various therapies, Troy would bring a little sign that said "SLOW DOWN!", and he would place it in front of me each time I was trying to do something too quickly. We even talked about Troy getting that tattooed on his fingers.

• Exercise.

Not only is this beneficial to your body, it helps your brain function. You know, since the brain is part of the body. Studies show that physical activity improves cognitive function.

• I have the BEST friends and family. EVER.

This became crystal clear once I was able to see what everyone has done for us.
Not to mention to emotional support. First off, there was a guest book in my hospital room that everyone wrote in that came to see my family and I.
I still get weepy, only not uncontrollably now, when I read that book. Our friends and family also helped care for our dogs and cat, our family cooked meals, Tyler stayed with Troy while I was in the hospital, I'm sure there's way more I can't think of right now!

Reflecting after nearly dying has been good. It has allowed me to really look at my life, and  my decisions.
It does beg the question though: Was a coma necessary? 

My Victim Impact Statement

Before I share my statement, I thought I'd define what a Victim Impact Statement is. Please also keep in mind that this was written mostly in December 2010. I kept a checklist of things to include in my statement, and I would add to that list whenever I thought of things.It seems really cold and removed, reading it now. There were a lot of rules about not abusing the offender with my words, and keeping it fact-based.  The police gave me a brochure of How To Complete a VIS.

• A VIS is about the victim, not the accused and should describe how the crime has affected the victim.
• Suggestions about the sentence should not be included in a VIS, because it is up to the judge to make sentencing decisions.
• A VIS must be legible.
• A VIS must be completed using the victim's own words.
• The victim should identify, in their VIS, their relationship to the offence and/or other victims.
• Vengeful comments should be avoided.
• A VIS may contain concerns about probation conditions. For example it may be important to state whether the victim does or does not want contact with the accused.
• Information regarding the facts of the offence should have been included in the Witness Statement, and should not be repeated in the VIS.
• A VIS should not contain complaints about the justice system or how the case was handled.

I also had the option of reading it in court. I did not. I don't want to even know what this guy looks like, for fear that anyone that looks similar to him will be unjustly judged by me.

Saturday morning, December 5, 2009.
My husband, Troy, was driving me to work (Metro Pet). Firefighters used the jaws of life to get Troy and I out of the car. Car was destroyed. It was my favourite/dream car. A lot of memories of great times in that car. Honeymoon trip, canoe and hiking trips, concert trips, etc.

I wasn't breathing on my own, I had a respirator. I was wearing a jacket that I loved, bought on our New York trip, April 2009. I was also wearing boots that were a gift. Both items of clothing were destroyed.

I was taken to the General Hospital by ambulance. Medical staff thinks I may have choked a bit on my own vomit. I was put in a coma so my body could focus on healing.

My belly dance performance group's Christmas Party was that evening. One woman I dance with works at the General in the lab and saw right away that something bad happened. All of my fellow dancers were always at the hospital. Party never happened.

On December 9, medical staff put in a trach because I still wasn't breathing on my own. I woke on December 12th, didn't open my eyes till the 13th.
Troy and I missed Brandt's (Troy's work) Christmas party.
I couldn't speak because of the trach. Luckily, I know sign language. Unluckily, the medical staff does not know any, and too bad only my sister knows the alphabet.

I had to relearn the things we take for granted, like how to walk, talk, print, simple math skills like subtraction, sit up in a chair, tie my shoelaces, etc.
I have severe damage to my right frontal lobe, and occipital lobe. I had double vision till April 2010 sometime. Double vision made everything harder.

The trach was removed on December 18. The scar is still healing.

I went to Wascana Rehab on Demcember 21, 2009. My condition was stable enough to be transfered. I no longer needed a catheter, feeding tube and the trach. At Wascana, I continued my physiotherapy, speech language therapy, and occupational therapy. Relearning walking, talking, etc till I was officially considered an out-patient. So instead of therapy every day, it was twice a week as of February 2, 2010.
Also in February, we missed our try-to-make-it-annual snowboarding trip to Fernie with 6 close friends. We had booked it in the fall.

As a result of my severe brain damage (I almost died) I easily become overwhelmed when more than 5 people are present and I'm easily frustrated or angered. I type much slower (typing skills are required for Great-West Life job-was full time). I must write/print slowly so my words are legible. Luckily with much practice things have gotten 'easier'. I used to have to think about the physical mechanics (how to make certain sounds) of speech, while speaking, which is absolutely exhausting! Today is December 2, 2010, so it was maybe last month I still had to do that! I usually get 12 hours of sleep a night (when I'm not tossing and turning) plus a 2 hour nap during the day. Sometimes more if there are many people around that day.

Words (vocabulary) escapes me. Both my jobs require communication. I've lost a lot of strength and balance. I used to be able to walk both our dogs by myself. Troy has to be there in case I fall or lose them. As of May 2010, I can walk them one at a time by myself, takes twice as long. Losing control is still an issue.

I can't seem to always 'hold it' when I have 'to go'.
Struggling with my creativity. I'm in a belly dance performance group and when it's time to improvise, I just stand there. I majored in visual art and minored in dance in university, so this was never a problem before.

Everything takes at least, if not longer, twice as long as it once did (walking, eating, reading, etc). It takes me an hour to draw something that used to take me 60 seconds.
I am unable to drive without more testing. I've lost a lot of independence and freedom. Got my motorcycle learners license in the fall 2009 because I had every intention to get my motorcycle's license to ride to Sturgis (bike rally in August) with Troy and his parents. Now I don't even have the endurance to just ride behind Troy for that trip.

I have no memory from about mid-November to mid-January. February and March are pretty fuzzy & memories are jumbled approximately 6 months before the collision.

I have to write everything down to remember. I have many notes & lists. I had started a holistic pet nutrition course for my Metro Pet job in October 2009, I've completely restarted that course. I have no memory of what I studied. They give you a year to finish, they've extended my time, but it could be 2 years to finish. My  right knee is sensitive but numb. It had a huge bruise that covered the front of my calf. Had to get nose piercing resized because it shrank. Was originally pierced 9 years ago.

Sometimes I am awake all night thinking about everything.

Currently going to counseling. I close my eyes at intersections, and now that it's winter again, I squeeze them closed.
Troy and I had just started taking our kitchen apart to do renovations before the collision. Kitchen renos at a standstill.

Time was stolen from Troy and I. I have zero memory from Christmas, we missed out on countless holiday celebrations & trips with friends, etc.

Oh yeah! Did I mention I had to relearn everything?

Bought Husband Wool Sweater...Damn

My first day of being vegan was September 12, 2010.
Within that first week, I found out about these really cool looking sweaters while at Metro Pet Market. They're from a company called Granted Clothing. Super cool sweaters.

Lebowski

Minus one detail:
Made from wool.      wah wah  
I never bothered looking into the how we get wool.
I saw the sweaters, and I knew Troy would want one.
They are very similar to the sweater that The Dude wears on The Big Lebowski. Very cool!

Speaking of!!
For the last six hallowe'ens we have hosted a costume party because Troy's birthday is the 29th.

Scott(of 'Shannon & Scott', of our adventure friends)usually comes dressed as a drunken pirate.

This year Scott dressed as "The Dude". It was rad! 

Some guy in skull sweater

Back on topic, Alyx!!
I saw the skull sweater and I ordered Troy one for his birthday.
He loves it.
I mean, it's a siwash, and it has skulls!
What's NOT to love?  Again, rhetorical. I don't love that it's made with wool. I'm actually rather irritated. And a bit sad.

This is where I forgive myself for making the mistake. I have learned from this mistake.

You may wonder what the problem with wool is. I wondered the very same thing.

Thankfully, I found the answer on Colleen Patrick-Goudreau's podcast, Vegetarian Food For Thought.
The episode titled, The Shearing of Sheep, told me what the problems are with wool.
I know there are many YouTube videos that talk about this as well, I just really appreciate the way that Colleen delivers the information. Compassionate and truthful.

My next task is to commission someone to knit a vegan sweater with skulls for the love of my life, Troy.
I can do many things, but I don't know how to knit.
I'll start with Etsy.com.

Memory & Notes

It was only a year and a half ago, when I couldn't remember what happened only moments prior. I had to be told each day why I was at the hospital, tied to a bed, with all sorts of tubes coming out of my body. Troy and my parents kept track of where I needed to be and when for my various therapies.
Once my printing/handwriting had improved to a point where it was legible, my mom gave me a notebook to keep in my bag, to write everything I needed to write. Which turned out to be everything!

I used my agenda as well for booked appointments, and scheduled events. I was already used to using an agenda from my university experience and sometimes working two different jobs while taking classes.
That's, essentially, what I was doing when we crashed. Entirely too much!
I was working full time at Great West Life, in their call centre for group health and dental insurance. I worked at Metro Pet Market part time. I performed with a belly dance performance group, eXalta6, that included weekly meetings and rehearsals, as well as costume-making. I was also taking a holistic pet nutrition course. It sounds crazy to me now!! Apparently I needed a coma to slow me down!

I was also a big fan of making lists prior to the brain injury. Just to feel the satisfaction of crossing an item off my list when completed. <sigh> So good.

I have a weekly calendar on my fridge, and a list of daily 'events', like eating breakfast or lunch. Yes, I do forget! Embarrassingly often!!
I kept a fairly large 'purse' on me because the brain injury required that I keep a lot of different information on me. Not only was I trying to memorize the details of my brain injury to relay to whomever was asking, I was also trying to memorize details regarding veganism to talk about it with the medical professionals I saw often.
I have lots of records of my injury and recovery. Lots!

My handwriting on December 14, 2009
(my mom wrote the date)

Now, that I have one, I use my iPhone all the time! How did people with brain injuries deal before technology?!
The notes section has been extremely helpful, the calendar is great, and I use the alarm to set everything!
Awake, nap time, eat, work out, feed dogs and cat, I can set anything!
The alarm is also perfect for setting timers for the oven and stove, especially when I walk out of the room. I often forget that anything is actually happening in the other room...Plus, I save lots of paper!

My memory IS improving!
I don't have to keep near the number of notes that I once did! I have remembered that my neuro-psych assessment is on December 12 and 13th, for longer than ever!
Well, it could be argued that December 12th means a lot to me and my family. That was the day my older sister died of kidney cancer. That was also the day I started to come out of the coma. And it's my 1 year and 3 month veganniversary!
Either way! I am remembering!