Thursday, January 12, 2012

Violated?! An 'Ah-ha' Moment

I had a really interesting talk with my counselor, Jo, regarding anxiety and depression and trauma.
We talked about my anxiety level and why I seem to have so much of it.
Basically, she was saying that while I was in the coma, things were done to my body that I had zero control of. Things like, having the catheter placed, the feeding tube up my nose, all of the monitors attached to me, being strapped down, and the tracheotomy. All of this was done while I was unconscious. My brain has no memory of these events. But my body does.
Which helps explain my high level of anxiety around medical professionals, namely.
After she explained why being in a coma, in itself, would be traumatic.

As she was explaining, I thought, so I was violated?
She confirmed, that yes, violated.
I mean, violated so medical professionals can help heal my body. It was a good thing! Fair enough.
But apparently, my body doesn't really see the difference or remember it that way.
We've been doing some S.E. work to help release that energy that my body is clinging to. Somatic Experience Exercises helps your body release the tension it kept from the traumatic event.

This talk with my counselor got me thinking more.

Maybe the reason that I find being vegan a pretty simple decision is because, on some level, I can relate to our 'food' animals. These animals also have zero say in what we do to them, or what happens to them. I know there is much protesting on the part of the nonhuman animals, we just don't care.
I don't want to violate anybody. Or pay to have anybody violated, on my behalf.
Not doing it.

The other ah-ha moment I had in the last few months, was also related to veganism and the collision.
Can you really blame me for thinking about it all the time?! 
I don’t remember much from the car collision.
I do recall making the decisions on what to wear for work that morning.
I do remember being panicked and absolutely terrified!! I truly remember the absolute panic I felt.

I am not supporting an industry that profits from anybody’s terror.
I don’t care how ‘humane’ or ‘happy’ that animal was.

I was happy in my life, but when it comes time to die, it’s fucking terrifying!!

Seems like an easy decision to me. 
Vegan. There you have it.

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