|My Echo Hatchback|
Today it's been 3-years since the morning of the crash.
It is a little unbelievable that I'm the same person.
I mean . . . I am...but I'm not, at the same time. If that makes sense . . .
I am the same girl that loves to paint and belly dance, spend time with dogs and cats (any nonhumans, really). Loves playing board games, and reading. Love laughing with friends and family. I still love music. Especially Ani Difranco's work.
There was a long time (like a year) that I couldn't recall the words to any of the music I adored. I distinctly remember, standing in my old kitchen, cleaning strawberries to juice, listening to Ani Difranco. Without consciously thinking, I began to sing along, and teared up because I remembered the words.
It was a beautiful moment.
I am pretty different.
I run. Which I never did before.
I no longer drink alcohol or smoke pot.
Previously I avoided any amount of confrontation. At any cost.
I did stop being a vegetarian, for crying in the sink! And not because I craved an animal's flesh, no, no, because I didn't want to fight and explain my reasons for being a vegetarian. That's what it came down to.
Now, I no longer recoil at the thought of having an open dialogue about being vegan or eating animals and their secretions. In fact, I welcome, and often encourage it, by bringing it up whenever possible. Always with a big, welcoming smile.
I still get very tired in groups with 5 or more people. I surmise it's because, in those situations, more than one conversation usually happens at once. The numerous conversations happening at the same time is exhausting. I try, with everything I have, to block out one while listening to another. It's really fucking tricky.
This is probably the same reason I still can't seem to follow a recipe with success while music is playing. But! I have had much success listening to folk music and driving to familiar places (like to my parents)!
So that's amazing!!
Violent movies and films are also a no go with me. After the coma, I became very sensitive to violent imagery, which probably helped encourage me to become vegan.
I don't seem to have a very reliable filter either. That's my frontal lobes' doing. If I'm thinking about something, my next thought could be, "no, I won't bring that up right now", and as I'm thinking that, the previous thought will be coming out of my mouth. It's rather incredible that I haven't seriously messed up while on the phone at Great-West Life. Even there, the same thing occurs, I'm just lucky I haven't said something terrible.
I like cooking and baking now. It's hard to say if that was a result of the brain injury, or becoming vegan. I relearned to follow recipes as part of my cognitive therapy while I was at Wascana Rehab. I love that I'm not having to handle some animals' cut up body parts or their stolen reproductive secretions. Bit of both, perhaps?
All that said, I really do prefer the person I've become. Life is all about evolving.
Like Ani Difranco sings,
"If you aren't getting happier as you get older, then you're fucking up."