Violated?! An 'Ah-ha' Moment

I had a really interesting talk with my counselor, Jo, regarding anxiety and depression and trauma.
We talked about my anxiety level and why I seem to have so much of it.
Basically, she was saying that while I was in the coma, things were done to my body that I had zero control of. Things like, having the catheter placed, the feeding tube up my nose, all of the monitors attached to me, being strapped down, and the tracheotomy. All of this was done while I was unconscious. My brain has no memory of these events. But my body does.
Which helps explain my high level of anxiety around medical professionals, namely.
After she explained why being in a coma, in itself, would be traumatic.

As she was explaining, I thought, so I was violated?
She confirmed, that yes, violated.
I mean, violated so medical professionals can help heal my body. It was a good thing! Fair enough.
But apparently, my body doesn't really see the difference or remember it that way.
We've been doing some S.E. work to help release that energy that my body is clinging to. Somatic Experience Exercises helps your body release the tension it kept from the traumatic event.

This talk with my counselor got me thinking more.

Maybe the reason that I find being vegan a pretty simple decision is because, on some level, I can relate to our 'food' animals. These animals also have zero say in what we do to them, or what happens to them. I know there is much protesting on the part of the nonhuman animals, we just don't care.
I don't want to violate anybody. Or pay to have anybody violated, on my behalf.
Not doing it.

The other ah-ha moment I had in the last few months, was also related to veganism and the collision.
Can you really blame me for thinking about it all the time?! 
I don’t remember much from the car collision.
I do recall making the decisions on what to wear for work that morning.
I do remember being panicked and absolutely terrified!! I truly remember the absolute panic I felt.
I am not supporting an industry that profits from anybody’s terror.
I don’t care how ‘humane’ or ‘happy’ that animal was.
I was happy in my life, but when it comes time to die, it’s fucking terrifying!!

Seems like an easy decision to me. 

Vegan. There you have it.

Bought Husband Wool Sweater...Damn

My first day of being vegan was September 12, 2010.
Within that first week, I found out about these really cool looking sweaters while at Metro Pet Market. They're from a company called Granted Clothing. Super cool sweaters.

Lebowski

Minus one detail:
Made from wool.      wah wah  
I never bothered looking into the how we get wool.
I saw the sweaters, and I knew Troy would want one.
They are very similar to the sweater that The Dude wears on The Big Lebowski. Very cool!

Speaking of!!
For the last six hallowe'ens we have hosted a costume party because Troy's birthday is the 29th.

Scott(of 'Shannon & Scott', of our adventure friends)usually comes dressed as a drunken pirate.

This year Scott dressed as "The Dude". It was rad! 

Some guy in skull sweater

Back on topic, Alyx!!
I saw the skull sweater and I ordered Troy one for his birthday.
He loves it.
I mean, it's a siwash, and it has skulls!
What's NOT to love?  Again, rhetorical. I don't love that it's made with wool. I'm actually rather irritated. And a bit sad.

This is where I forgive myself for making the mistake. I have learned from this mistake.

You may wonder what the problem with wool is. I wondered the very same thing.

Thankfully, I found the answer on Colleen Patrick-Goudreau's podcast, Vegetarian Food For Thought.
The episode titled, The Shearing of Sheep, told me what the problems are with wool.
I know there are many YouTube videos that talk about this as well, I just really appreciate the way that Colleen delivers the information. Compassionate and truthful.

My next task is to commission someone to knit a vegan sweater with skulls for the love of my life, Troy.
I can do many things, but I don't know how to knit.
I'll start with Etsy.com.

Content Warning

You probably noticed that I recently put a content warning up before you enter my blog.
I did this because I tend to drop the f-bomb here and there.

I feel guilty about a kid(not a baby goat) reading the foul language. I don't know.

What do you think?

I kind of feel like, meh.                       I think I may remove it.

Does it really matter that children see me using that language? Do porn sites even have content warnings? Hmm, probably not . . . it IS porn! Are you really surprised to see naked people???
And how often do kids stumble onto a brain injury blog focused around veganism?? Besides, kids have parents for a reason. So parents, start parenting.
There are way more offensive websites out there.

I was raised by a Catholic, and my understanding is that Catholicism is all about guilt.  

I am not Catholic. I'm not sure what I believe . . .

There's probably nothing to feel guilty about. I mean, my mom taught me to not ring doorbells in case there's a sleeping baby, for crying in the sink!

I am still in the habit of knocking, even when I know that there are NO babies to wake.

I Don't Eat Eggs

It's funny . . . because I did LOVE eggs!
Every way possible!
Egg salad, scrambled, hard-boiled, sunny-side up, over-easy, eggs Benedict, in omelets, in sandwiches, and in bagels(with cheese and salsa!). Loved eggs!

The reason it's funny, is because once I started to associate eggs with the pain and suffering and truly see what they are, I was able to change.
Now when I think about chicken's eggs, I have zero interest or desire to eat them.
I think about all of those birds forced into that tiny 'living' space with other diseased, miserable birds. Forced into those terrible conditions. Only to meet a cold end.
I watched Mercy For Animals' Fowl Play a couple months ago. Very disturbing!
I refuse to give my money to that industry! Well, my taxes still pay to subsidize...but I am not giving them the money that I have a say about! Damn it!!

There are ways of creating the same, or very similar, flavors and textures that I crave. I really and truly don't feel like I've 'given up' or 'sacrificed 'anything for the vegan cause. If I want it bad enough, I'll either find a way to make/get said item, or I'll practice patience and wait till I can have it. It'll be more special, is my thinking.

That being said, my grandmother makes this dessert that is incredibly delicious. My family calls it Hungarian Torta. I love it. My grandma even made some to serve at our wedding.
I think it's so good.
But I grew up with it. Troy doesn't think it's that great. In fact, once he heard the ingredients, he said it's actually a little gross.                 Wah Wah
It is absolutely not vegan. It has a lot of eggs. A lot.
I would love to veganize this torta, but I am lost. I definitely need help.
**I'll post a link to the recipe once I get some more details from my mom. It is the most poorly written recipe that we have ever read! It's so confusing! I have many many questions for my mom, and once she's able to give me more direction, I'll post the recipe. That will be my challenge.
          Veganize this!(see, then I'll post a link there, where it's underlined!)

About six months into my veganism, I watched a video on YouTube, "Best Speech You Will Ever Hear-Gary Yourofsky". It was amazing! 
I bring up this inspiring speech because Gary Yourofsky talks about chicken's eggs. He refers to eggs as 'chicken periods'.
This was mind-wrinkling for me.
Chicken periods?!? Come on, now, they are different!
                       ...once I started to think about it though...

Yes, I realize it's not quite the same as eating human menstrual fluid. 

But it's damn close.

The real difference is that our babies grow inside of us.
For birds, the chick gets all of its nutrients from inside of the egg, while baby humans first get all of their nutrients from the menstrual lining in their mother's uterus. The same thing happens to female chickens as female humans: If the egg is not fertilized, it gets discarded. It leaves the body.

Ta Dah! Eggs and periods. Well, to be completely accurate, for birds, the egg leaves the body either way.

So, yes, eggs are nutritious.
Nutritious for chicken fetuses!
They do have a hell of a lot of cholesterol!
Yes, I realize that we aren't really eating the "unborn fetuses of chickens". They are unfertilized. Still, that's fucking gross.
Chicken periods.